Our trots cover on Trackside really has gone to the dogs - a forgettable night on the couch

My night on the couch watching the trots on TV didn’t start well.

Friday nights in front of Trackside used to be a real highlight of the week and with the wee man Ricky May making his comeback after ‘dying’ in January, it promised to be good viewing.

With the horses for race six out on the track at Addington, and only four minutes and 20 seconds until race start time, all I wanted to do was check out their preliminaries.

But no, we’re whisked off to Kawasaki in Japan where five horses who have never faced the starter before are lining up for a 900 metre race, with the favourite paying $1 to win.

The horses’ names are different but I’ve heard the commentary many times before - five horses in competition, three corners in play, a nice clean start by all the horses and down the stretch they come, yada yada.

A minute later we’re back at Addington where presenter Greg O’Connor, bound to the studio under the TAB’s cost-saving rules, is doing his best to inform us about the favourite Crackasmile, via a pre-recorded audio of trainer Ken Barron.

There’s no camera at the start so I can’t get a close-up look at the horses. Might as well check out the divvies on my phone. I remember that horse’s debut and it looked a real improver.

The TAB website’s spinning wheel of death is a betting killer.Typical. What do I get on the TAB website? The spinning wheel of death. &*#@<?*()$

When the horses leave the gate Blair Orange slots beautifully into the trail and all the way all I’m thinking is how much might that useless $42 million piece of junk website have cost me.

Thankfully, Crackasmile’s home stretch challenge comes up half a length short.

So we’re off to the dogs at Whanganui, where Mark Rosanowski is blessed with a six minute lead-in time.

But the track is so wet the dogs are walking to the start behind the outside fence and all you can see is the handlers from the waist up. The cameraman seems to be focusing on Marcie Flipp with Collect A Dream.

Mark’s analysis sounds as expert as ever but he’s not going to turn me. I just want to see some harness action. Collect A Dream wins at $7.10.

Things are looking up as Trackside suddenly shows vision of some kind of presentation to Blair Orange and Ricky May at Addington, but it’s only on screen for a few seconds and there’s no audio. Presumably it’s the club’s late celebration of Orange’s 2000 wins and May’s return to the track. This petite cameo only serves to grate. Don’t these clowns know we have to promote our heroes?

Blair Orange, left, and Ricky May were honoured at Addington but we saw only a few silent seconds. PHOTO: Addington Raceway.Instead, with the next race at Addington five minutes and 10 seconds away, we cut away to Kawasaki - this time for a six horse race - and ‘down the stretch they come’ again.

There’s just under four minutes to go until race seven at Addington when we get to see the horses. None of the trainers Greg has pre-recorded zoom interviews with has a horse in the race so we get no inside oil.

It’s only really now that I realise just how short-changed we are with fewer cameras covering the action on track. Either the shots are zoomed in from a long way away or they’re taken from high above. Winner Standout is halfway back to scale when Trackside crosses to the Gawler dogs.

Might as well try the website again to see what’s coming up.

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First the wheel of death then the message: “An error has occurred. Please click here to refresh.”

It takes six clicks before the site loads properly again.

Born Quick must know I’m about to give up trying when, before the next at Whanganui he starts jumping up boisterously behind the fence as Marcie’s leading him round to the start, so at least I can see him. He tries his little heart out but can run only second.

The TAB must sense they’re losing me too as on screen they try to suck me into having a bet on the Warriors-Cowboys game, with the promise of up to $50 in bonus bets if my team loses by eight points or less. Pass.

Sadly, the night never picks up. Eastwood Ideal’s thrilling nose win over Uber Express in the next at Addington gets only a few home stretch replays before the Gawler dogs take over again. I know Craig Thornley will be smiling broadly but we never get to see it. And with no presenter on course there’s no chance of a few words with trainer James McDonald.

Come to that, we’ve seen no-one all night. The faces behind harness racing, and the stories and emotion which encourage us to be a part of it, have been totally lost.

At Gawler, instead, we see the boxes open prematurely with no lure and the Breeders’ Final is abandoned. Then it’s off to the Shepparton dogs with $450 in the win pool.

With no Trackside presenters on course we didn’t get to hear from driver Jonny Cox after Nandolo’s terrific win.I’ve just about had enough but decide to stick around to see Nandolo run in the feature race.

When we cross to Addington, we can’t see anything for the first 20 seconds with the horses obscured by the field and dividends and there’s just two minutes and 40 seconds before start time when we finally get to see the track.

Nandolo is dominant, bulldozing his way to the front a lap from home and winning with a leg in the air. But all we get afterwards is an extreme overhead shot as he comes back to the barn. I want to hear from driver Jonny Cox and trainer Coaster Howe.

Greg, back in the studio, is doing his best but you just know he’s hating it too, in his last few weeks as a Trackside presenter.

A poor quality zoom inset before a race does little to inspire. And as nice a fella as Benny Hill is, a close up shot with annoying clicking sounds, just doesn’t cut it.

As I prepare to switch channels, I calculate that in the last hour Trackside has served up 10 races - two harness and eight dogs.

I don’t need to be watching Dubbo dogs. And, sadly, I suspect neither do many other New Zealanders.

Racing is in trouble if the TAB thinks this kind of coverage will revive its turnover.

Rating the night’s entertainment I give it a two out of 10. One point for at least showing the pictures and another for hooking Ricky up for an on-track interview during the prelims for the opening race (which I didn’t see because it was so early at 4.10pm).

The website scores nil - the same as my betting turnover.

Friday night could soon be movie night.